October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

This month it will be hard to miss the purple ribbons about Cherokee County as agencies and individuals promote awareness to a serious issue that plagues many households in our community. While the issue is far more pervasive than most can imagine, these victims are not alone and there are places and people they can turn to.

Family Violence is criminal behavior that cuts across all socio-economic layers and touches the lives of old and young, men and women, gay and straight and even rich and poor. One in five teens report that they are involved in a relationship where they have suffered physical, sexual or emotional abuse. Violence is not something that people outgrow in a relationship but only get s worse as a battering partner seeks to manipulate and control their partner.

Physical and mental abuse in the home is not related specifically to a alcoholics or drug abuse but is a separate and distinct problem. It is a condition that is borne of an acceptance in the use of violence means of control of another person. This situation is only magnified when children are involved. While they may not be the target of the violence, children raised in a violent atmosphere are more likely to grow up believing that violence in the family is acceptable, creating another generations of victims and abusers.

 




Violence within a relationship is something of a stigma that society has swept under the rug. For batterers it is acceptable to punish their partner to keep them in line while many of the victims believe that they deserve the treatment inflicted upon them. Family violence is a cycle in a relationship that builds a level of tension in the relationship until there is a explosive climax of violence followed by a relative calm. Many victims will provoke the violence in order to get to the following calm. The victims of Domestic Violence feel trapped in this cyclic pattern of tension, violence and calm.

The greatest misunderstanding about Domestic Violence is that the victims can just escape if they wanted to. The socio-economic pressures weigh heavily against the victim of Domestic Violence who wants to leave the relationship. Victims are usually isolated financially without the means to help while clergy and counselors emphasize the benefits of preserving the relationship. For many, the social stigma of becoming a victim prevents them from reaching outside the relationship for help while other victims are isolated from the community, family and friends by their batterers. In either case, the victims face a community that is not willing to accept the truth about the batterer or that real problem exists.

In Cherokee County there are resources for victims to turn to. The Cherokee Family Violence Center offers a crisis hotline and a shelter to accept the victims fleeing a violent relationship. Once there, the staff offers counselors that can help victims obtain restraining orders against their abusers, obtain financial resources to get the family on its feet and look for employment. There is counseling available to victims and their non-offending family members to help cope with the emotional impact of the violence. The Cherokee County Family Violence Center Center has the countries’ first Transitional Housing program that can place qualified families in to safe, stable affordable housing to help a family wracked by violence achieve independence.

The month of October is more than just a time to remember those who have endured or are still trapped by Domestic Violence but to become more aware of its presence in our community and society. A society that is aware of its signs and its impacts will make this crime socially unacceptable and make it possible to break the cycle of violence that many families live in.

 

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Substance Abuse and Child Custody

 



The risks to children with a chemically dependent parent are countless. Intoxicated parents have a diminished capacity to supervise and protect children. They can even engage in risky behavior such as driving under the influence with the children in a vehicle or bring children into dangerous situations. Intoxication can lead to violent behavior, leading children to witness domestic abuse or even leading to become the victims of violence themselves. Even worse, children will follow the example of the chemically addicted parent and become addicts themselves



Addiction is often the cause of the disintegration of the relationship between the parents. Aside from symptoms such as abuse, neglect and habitual intoxication, chemical dependence takes a financial toll on a family. Chemical addiction is expensive and draws a great deal of family resources from household necessities to pay for the drug of choice. In many cases, the chemically addicted parent loses their job, becomes unemployable and is a financial burden on the household.



However, children in these situations love their parents, warts and all, just as any other child does. Most do not understand what is going on with between their parents and and are left wondering why they do not get to see one of their parents. While the sober parent is left in the situation of trying to protect the children from a bad situation, children often resent that parent and blame them “running off” the other parent. The emotional impacts on the children can run very deep.



There are a number of resources that the Courts can use to help children and families in situations with chemical dependent parents. The Courts can allow a child to see a chemically dependent parent with supervision. While many times these visits are supervised by a trusted relative or friend, the Court can rely on professional supervisors. Professional supervisors are usually trained and can supervise the interaction between the parent and child in a neutral setting or even sometimes in a clinical setting. While professionals come with some level of expense these supervisors can provide reporting back to the Courts insuring safety and guidance for future visits.

Supervised visits are usually augmented with a regimen of substance abuse counseling and drug testing. A good counselor can make the difference and bring an addict back from the brink of self destruction. When treatment is court ordered as a part of a parenting plan, it gives the treatment some teeth and makes it mandatory as a matter of law. Testing also is a significant part of the parenting plan for an addict. It not only insures compliance with the treatment but it insures that the children are not placed in the hands of an intoxicated parent. Many plans require testing both before and after a visit to insure that the parent did not consume any substances during the time with the children.



Successful participation in substance abuse treatment and testing in most instances will result in a relaxation of supervision requirements. As parents learn how to cope with their addictions, they are able to more engage in a less restrictive relationship with their children. However, there is always a heavy burden placed on the parent that is not addicted to remain ever vigilant to protect the children. This parent too can suffer a great emotional toll.



Overcoming chemical addiction is never easy for a family, especially as that family breaks up. Placing the interests of the children first is always the concern of the Court as well as the obligation of the parents. Courts can help the parents maintain an appropriate relationship with their children and protect their safety. There is no quick easy answer to dealing with a chemical dependency issue but with treatment, supervision, testing and patience the situation can become manageable. To best deal with this situation, consult an experienced child custody lawyer.

 

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